We all have them—expectations. We expect that when we go to a certain coffee chain and order a double-double, it’ll taste the same no matter where we are in the country. We expect that when we pay for a service, we receive the service. We expect that when we order through Prime, the delivery will be fast.
Each day we wake up with expectations—whether good or bad—about how the day may or may not go. For example, you may get in your car to head to work on a Monday with the expectation that the traffic is going to be BONKERS, and you’ll probably be late. Either your expectations are met, and you are indeed late for work, or they aren’t, and you’re pleasantly surprised with an on-time arrival. Either way, you had an expectation of how that commute would go.
But what happens when we place such grand expectations on things, people, and places that we’re often left standing on the sidelines with lunch bag letdown? How do we avoid this? Can we really just go through life with ZERO expectations of anything so we’re never let down? I guess in an ideal world, we could.
I had expectations that hitting perimenopause would be a breeze because I thought I had planned for it in the best way possible. Those expectations were NOT met, and it hit me like the Titanic hitting the iceberg!
We often place HUGE expectations on ourselves and those around us, especially the people we love and hold dear. We forget that there’s a HUGE human component here, and being human means we’ll probably mess up from time to time. That also means if we’ve placed giant expectations on ourselves or others, we’ll DEFINITELY get a lunch bag letdown when things don’t go as planned. Or if we have HUGE expectations of ourselves and we’re not meeting them, how depressing can that be?
I expected my health and my life to go a certain way. I didn’t expect to be sideswiped by life. I didn’t expect to become a hermit. I didn’t expect the symptoms of midlife to include massive anxiety, overwhelm, and, if I’m honest, some deep depression. I had expectations of being a bold and outgoing “FUCK IT FORTIES” momma—even though I’ve NEVER been bold and outgoing in my entire life. I had expectations of my forties being the time where I was able to let go of people-pleasing, the lack of self-confidence, and be free to be me. I didn’t expect that the opposite would happen, that I’d go through some serious shit, or that I wouldn’t be able to live up to the expectations placed on me by others, or the ones I placed on myself.
So, why am I bringing this up? Because I know a bunch of you out there are either VERY mad at someone you expected to be a certain way, or you’re beating yourself up for not meeting your own expectations.
How to Start Embracing Our Human Nature:
Lower the Bar (Just a Little): This isn’t about giving up or settling, but about being realistic. Perfection is an illusion, and aiming for it only sets us up for failure. Let’s aim for progress, not perfection.
Practice Compassion: When you or someone else messes up, try to replace judgment with compassion. Ask yourself, “What would I say to a friend in this situation?” Then say that to yourself. And for others, remember that they’re doing the best they can with what they’ve got.
Let Go of the Outcome: We can plan and prepare, but we can’t control everything. By letting go of rigid expectations, we open ourselves up to being pleasantly surprised by what life throws our way.
Redefine Success: Instead of defining success by meeting every expectation, let’s start measuring it by our resilience, our ability to adapt, and our capacity for kindness—toward ourselves and others.
Embrace the Mess: Life is messy, unpredictable, and full of surprises. The more we embrace the chaos, the less power our expectations have over us. Plus, it makes the journey a lot more interesting!
Allow Space for Healing: One of the biggest mistakes we make is assuming that other people’s behaviors are about us. Often, they’re not. People are dealing with their own inner conflicts, their own struggles, and their own pain. We need to allow space for others to heal and process without taking their actions personally. Instead of jumping to conclusions or assuming the worst, try to understand that what they’re going through might have nothing to do with you.
By recognizing that it’s okay to mess up, that it’s okay for others to mess up, and by finding compassion instead of clinging to expectations, we can start to navigate life with a little more grace and a lot less disappointment.
So, the next time you find yourself caught up in the expectation trap, remember to breathe, laugh at the absurdity of it all, and give yourself (and others) a little grace. We’re all just human, after all.
Feeling Overwhelmed? Let's Work Together.
If you’re feeling weighed down by expectations—whether they’re your own or those placed on you by others—I invite you in for a Virtual Holistic Harmony Embodiment session. Together, we can work on releasing those burdens and help you align with love and compassion for yourself. It’s time to let go and start embracing your true, beautiful self.
To book Visit the Bookings page. I will see you there!
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