What will I be When I Grow UP?

I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Here I am, freshly 40, restarting a career I thought I had left behind, building a side hustle from nothing, and really feeling like I have yet to decide what it is I want to be when "I grow up".


I often catch myself running scenarios in my head of how my successful career will look when I finally reach that point. This weird sensation like I am still young enough to be "just starting", not staring down 3 teens preparing for college in the next 5 years. It's such a weird place to be.


At the age of twenty I owned my very own Massage Therapy Clinic, had big plans for what life would roll out like, and a drive to be completely financially secure by 40. I thought I would build a successful practice so I could start a family in my mid 30's. I thought I would have all the things in place that I needed to smoothly transition from working career lady, into martha stewart level house mom. HOWEVER, life had MASSIVELY different plans. I had three babies by the time I was 24, financial hardship, and a clinic I could not maintain.


Life just continued to throw me curve balls and mud pies, completely DERAILING my plans for what 40 looked like. Who would have thought that at 40, instead of closing out a successful massage therapy career, I would just be starting it? Or, instead of attending cute little school plays for 6 year olds, I would be picking courses to help guide my three teens to the after high school program of their choosing? This is not the plans I had for me.


Here I sit, writing this blog, reflecting on the last 20 years. I can't help but feel like I am getting the opportunity to start again from a better space. I have 20 years of learning to draw from, 20 years of continuing education, life lessons and gained wisdom.


No, I am not where I thought I would be at this age, but I am betting that I am not the only one. I am sharing this with you because I have a feeling that there are others who are in the same boat. There are others who had a career path and life trajectory. There are others who are starting again, or like me restarting something they thought was long gone, especially after this last year.


I know that starting again is tough, and weird and hard. I know that there are many demons to battle when you are facing what feels like a failed attempt at one thing, driving you to a reattempt at another. So I guess I am hoping that by sharing a little bit of my life, you will be able to feel less alone, if you are in the same boat as I am.


So Cheers to new starts, and new plans. Cheers to figuring out what we will be when we grow up!

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