Updated: Oct 12
Send me all the money honey
Let’s take a second here to talk about money. I know socially that is not acceptable. We are told that we don’t ask people how much they make, if they have debt or if they feel financially secure. We don’t discuss the dirty little secret that is finances.
Money makes you an a-hole, a snob, greedy. Talking about money is as much of a faux pas as discussing your sex life in a public place.
I have always just accepted that is the way it is supposed to be. After all, does anyone really need to hear about how much I owe on my mortgage or car loan?
The last couple years for me have all been about unraveling the learned behaviours, the coping “safety” mechanism, and blocks that stand in the way of being who and what I know I can be.
Recently I discovered that one of my major blocks is my feelings around money. I have know for a while that I had a strong lack mind set, and that I had deep work to do to clear it (still doing it, it’s really deep in there). But what I didn’t realize was that I had a HORRIBLE relationship with money. I realized that I was the mean girl, and money was the nerd that I was bullying. I never truly appreciated, or allowed nerd money to hang with me. So no wonder why it is constantly slipping away!
Here’s the back story. I grew up in a home where there never seemed to be enough money. Money was tight, non existent, lacking all the time it seemed. When every I would ask for something, I would be told it wasn’t affordable, we weren’t rich like the other families, or we didn’t make enough money to afford those luxuries. We grew up in a constant lack mentality. I can remember my sister and I feeling as kids that we weren’t good enough to have the nice things the other families had. I always felt like my mom was afraid to spend money because she feared that if she did, more may never come. Now don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that this did teach me to be smarter with my money, and I know they did the absolute best they could. Not judging them at all. Growing up like this gave me the tools I needed to pay $2800 a month for 20 months plus expenses to put myself through college (working at Tim Hortons, don’t do the math on how many hours that is, it will exhaust you.), and save the $50,000 we needed to purchase our home. But it also taught me to fear money. To be so afraid that it if I spent money on anything other than the bare bones minimum, money would up and leave and I would be broke as a mother,,,,, well you know.
Having this fear created that reality for me. There where times that I was so broke I would sell household items to my neighbors so I could go get diapers and formula, while I lived off water and tea.
I perpetuated the cycle of fear, lack and allowed it to keep money far far away from me.
Think about it? Are you blocking the flow of money into your life? Do you feel like you don’t deserve to charge full price for your services or goods because “you aren’t that good”? Are you like me, getting so stressed out about having to spend money that you literally make yourself sick, because you fear that once you spend it, you will never make it back?
If you are still reading this, chances are you answered yes to at least one of the above.
I could see these things starting to come up as blocks, but wasn’t honest about what that ment, until a good friend said she saw that I had huge financial blocks, that my actions screamed “you don’t think you are worthy of money and realizing your full dreams” and handed me the book The Law of Divine Compensation by Marianne Williamson. This book then led to You are a Badass at making Money by Jen Sincero. Which then lead to me being forced to see, because I was no longer able to claim ignorance, my horrible relationship with money!
So here’s what I am doing to correct that.
I am using the tools I learned in reading these books. I am calling myself out on my BS! I am journaling about how I can love money and want to make a 6 figure income, without being the rich stuck up asshats that shoved my face into toilets in public school, or punch innocent little dorky kids in the face (that’s a whole nother post about getting over that,,,, stay tuned). I am writing down how having that freedom would change my life, and BELIEVING that I actually deserve it!! Believing that I know my shit! I have sooo much knowledge and education, I do deserve to be paid accordingly. That doesn’t make me greedy, it makes me worthy!
If you made it to the end of this, and you feel that it resonates at all, get the books I mentioned! Read them, do the work they suggest, read them again, and do the work again. Get to the place where you can say you love the money honey (I am still working, but I swear I will get there!)
You are worth it, money and all! Honey!!