Kindness With Conditions

What I'm about to share with you probably won't sit well with a few of my readers. I am completely ok with that. I am used to being the one who stands on the outside of the "in" group, and as I age I seem to be able to care less and less about others opinions of me. Like the saying goes, "your opinion of me is NONE of my business."


So Here GOES!


When I was growing up, I was picked on, beaten up and bullied a lot. I would cry and vent to my parents about how I HATED the people who treated me this way. I remember my dad always saying, "Hate is such a strong word, you can dislike their actions, but you should never hate anyone, afterall we are all human." I used to get so angry at him when he said stuff like that, because I wanted to HATE these people with every fiber of my being.


Another lesson I learned growing up was to look beyond the actions and see the person inside. My grandfather was an alcoholic. He wasn't the greatest of persons when he was drinking, yet I always knew that beneath the addiction he was a loving man. My Mom taught us that we didn't have to love or even like who he was as an alcoholic, we could set our boundaries and not accept that behaviour, but we were to love the man inside that I knew deeply loved us as well. I grew up knowing that LOVE and kindness are NOT conditional on others behaviours or actions. LOVE and KINDNESS are to be shared without condition.


They are an energetic frequency that you can offer to all those you come into contact with. You can send kindness without expectation, without self serving, and within boundaries. These are basic human needs. You can offer kindness knowing that the person you are sending it to is just that, A PERSON! Their words and actions may not always align with yours, but at the very basic level, they are energy, cells and being, JUST LIKE YOU.


I feel like we are losing this. I remember this time last year reading all the posts and blogs about kindness and acceptance, yet now all I am reading is hate towards anyone who doesn't fit your personal narrative.


Have we forgotten kindness, or does our kindness come with conditions now?


Are we allowed to judge the entire person based on what we feel they are doing wrong?


If someone does / says / stands for something we don't believe in we don't have to talk to them, we get to immediately dismiss them as subhuman? Call them names? Dehumanize them to nothing more than filth in our minds? Aren't we trying to do better?


When did it become ok to scream and yell at each other in public spaces like hot headed two year olds?


When did it become ok to slander someone on social media and refer to their WEIGHT as a reason why they must be so "ignorant or stupid"?


WHY is it now ok to judge without asking? To assume without knowing? To segregate out instead of including?


We as a society are loosing basic kindness. We are dehumanising each other based on what you ASSUME beliefs are. We in general are no longer taking the time to ask the questions and dig deeper into who that person is, why they say / feel the things they do. We assume we know. We see the alcoholic, not the person deep inside.


Maybe if all sides of the arguments stepped out of their judgements, found the human beings underneath the shell, we would be able to to towards true kindness. True love for our fellow human. True understanding of the deepest darkest parts of each other's hearts. I really believe that at the core of us, there are more good people than bad. You might think I am naive, and maybe I am, but maybe I am a hopeful optimist. Maybe I see that when we remove the judgements, stigmatisms and stereotypes all that is left is a human being. A soul filled with flaws, hurts, trials and tribulations. A soul that probably isn't any different that yours.


When I was in my 20's, I learned that the ringleader of the group that used to beat the living crap out of me had a horrible home life. I was an easy target, just like she was at home. Does it make what she did to me ok? Of course not. BUT, knowing that she was a hurt broken soul, acting in the only way she knew how allowed me switch my thoughts from hate and anger, to kindness, and eventually forgiveness (forgiving took me a long time, it wasn't easy.)


What would it take for you to look beyond the outer shells that we see? Can we allow ourselves the opportunity to see under what people want us to believe?


Can we offer Kindness without Conditions?


Maybe, or maybe I am just living in my own little word over here.



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