File it under - OVERTHINK AND FRET

There is a story for the record books. I am actually pretty proud of this progress and thought it would be a good one to share with you all.

Picture this; husband and I are enjoying a relax in the hot tub and talking about our healing journeys thus far. We we deep in the conversation about how we heal in layers, how each time with meet for sessions with our embodiment and intuitive healer, Vanessa, we go deeper into our healing, deeper into who we are and why. We are having this AMAZING conversation about healing some really deep parts of us that we have yet to get to when he says "I am not sure I am ready to talk about it yet", pauses and goes into reflection mode....... so as a HIGHLY skilled overthinker I log this statement in the OVERTHINK AND FRET file for later, and made a copy for the HMMMMM, What does that really MEAN? file for tonight's 3 am thoughts.

As with any skill that you have practiced a million times, the HMMMM, What does that really MEAN? file opens at 3 am with very little effort on my part..... and I ruminate over the millions of different things I THINK that this statement COULD potentially mean, building up more ideas for the OVERTHINK AND FRET file when I pull that one out later in the day. By the time I get to the OVERTHINK AND FRET file in the afternoon it is SOOO full of WORST CASE scenarios that I can barely juggle them all. I catch myself mid session with a client complete off in my own head (thank god my hands just know what to do at this point in my massage therapy carrier) running about a different scenarios of what that one simple statement could actually mean. What I could read between the lines to find in it (even though it is was literally ONE line) or how this ultimately meant the end of all this as we know it......

--I have to add a little side note here. I recently discovered that this hyperfixation and ruminating is something very common to us neuroSpicy peoples. We are able to hyperfix on thought patterns and loops like the survival of the world depends on it.... apparently this is a normal thing we do....... however, just because it is "normal" doesn't mean we have to let it take over our lives, and this is where I am getting to next.--

Here is the cool part.... I CAUGHT myself. I was able to be aware of my thoughts, catch myself running through this doomsday LOOP of worst case EVERYTHINGS. I was able to say "wait a minute, you haven't even given him the chance to explain it. In actuality I have zero clue as to what was really meant by the statement and I need to ask for clarification BEFORE I lose my shit here.

I truly believe that I was able to catch myself because of three reasons;

1. I have been practicing mindfulness and meditation - I have been practicing and building the new skill of being AWARE of my thoughts. I have been training my brain to check in, and see what is real vs. what is ruminating and overthink. This allowed me to stop this loop, check in with my brain and become aware of the fact that this was a self created story that I was allowing to LOOP on repeat.

2. I have been practicing using my voice - when you are used to keeping quiet to keep the peace, speaking up for yourself or voicing what you think and feel feels scary. I have been practicing using my voice, and saying what is on my mind - which is not always met with the greatest response, but that is for another blog post - Finding my voice - especially with my husband - has allowed me to feel safe to speak my crazy ruminating thoughts out loud so I can hear how insanely off base they really are. This allowed me to be able to remind my brain that we are able to ask questions now, and that I can in fact go to him for clarification.

3. I have been Journaling - it seems simple enough, but this practice is really helping me check in with my overthink. I can write out all the stuff I have stuffed into those files and see if it even adds up. Is everything REALLY coming crashing down? NO! This practice has also given me the opportunity to rewrite the thoughts into something that actually is true. When I write out the overthink and all the worst case scenarios I can see them for what they really are - OVERTHINK and worst case SCENARIOS, NOT truths.

So I mentally pulled up the Let's Talk it through later file and added discuss this statement with husband, stopped the loop and returned to being present with my work.

You know what, NONE of the worst case scenarios I created where even close to being true,,,, turns out he just meant that there was work that he was doing for himself around the subject and he didn't feel that he had it sorted though enough to bring it to session yet..... NOT EVEN CLOSE to the shit my brain made up.

I share this with you because I know that I am not the only doomsday thinker here. I know that many of us struggle with negative ruminating and overthinking. I also know that for a very long time I just thought this was "who I was". I just chalked my overthinking up to being a part of who I am and how I function in the world, but learning I don't have to be that person has been so very freeing. Learning the skills I talked about above is literally life changing. Being able to come to my husband with a level head and ask questions is allowing us the opportunity for deeper conversation. I used to ruminate and overthink so much that by the time I was able to say anything to him I was CONVINCED that my stories where all true, and I would be accusatory instead of inquisitive. I would do this with friends, family members, everyone really. Yet every time I would do this, my story was usually so off base that my STORY would be the cause of the disagreement NOT the actually thing I overthought about.

So the next time you find yourself knee deep in the overthink, ask yourself; Is this facts? Can I ask for clarity around this? Is this MY story or the real story?