Be Quiet – The First Letter

On June 15, 2018 I left my corporate gig. Now don’t get all excited that this is one of those “I left corporate America to follow my passions and became a millionaire” inspirational stories. It may eventually get there, but this blog post isn’t it. Sorry. I left my job because I was having anxiety attacks, was 40 lbs over weight (thats how much stress weight I gained in one year), my family was chaos, and I was being paid a part time wage, but working almost 50 hours a week, I missed my life, my body was in constant pain, and I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to be. I was exhausted, and there was no way I could keep up the pace. That much I knew. I had no real plan B, I knew I wanted to teach my Yoga somewhere, but that was about it.  After a year of Yoga Teacher training I had learned enough lessons of the universe to know that I had to make changes.  I handed in my resigination almost a month before I would leave, siting “the universe will provide”.

By the time my last day arrived, I knew I wanted to be at home with my family, start a new business, help my husbands business get back on track with the books and take time for myself.  My first two weeks at home there was no kids, just me, my list of to do’s and need to do’s. So I got to work. I literally was filling all my free time with work, yet saying how taking a leave from work would really help me and my family. I was barely spending any time with anything other than work. I planned our Family Summer trip out east, and said how much I couldn’t wait to relax. Yet when I had the opportunity to relax at home, I filled it with things to do. In all honestly I think I took one half of a rest day.  I had become addicted to being busy.  I had created a mindset that if I wasn’t doing SOMETHING, I was just plane LAZY!

Despite feeling guilty about being LAZY, I was trying really hard to do less. Each time I sat down,  I felt so overwhelmed by the stuff that had pilled up over the last year, like boxes that we still hadn’t unpacked.  I couldn’t sit still. I was frustrated with myself on so many levels. People would say how jealous they were that I got to be at home relaxing all day, and I would sigh, I wish I could relax! I had a business to launch, I was going to offer 5 million services, do 20 classes a week, travel to corporate gyms, boutique yoga studios, and giant office buildings. Plus there was all the other things! On top of all this, I made it my mission to drop the 40 lbs of stress I was carrying on my waistline. Because stressing about stress weight is a great way to achieve goals…….. LeSigh…….

I would get daily little reminders that I needed to slow down, take time to rejuvenate and restore my body. I would get a migraine, or I would see a post on Facebook, or when I had the time to do Coffee and Cards, they would be very clear that I needed to rest. But I am stubborn, and I don’t listen. Or better yet, I listen in my own way. I would bargain with the universe, “ok, I will work hard all day, get half of the million things done, then as self care I will put a clay mask on my face for 20 mins tonight. Ok?” I thought this was a fair trade, so I kept going like this. Ignoring the HUGE signs and living in denial that I wasn’t actually doing what I was supposed to, RESTING!!

Then it happened, Bluesfest 2018, Foo Fighters and GretaVan Fleet. One of the best concerts I have been to, minus the hour of it that I seem to have misplaced from my memories. Half way thought the opening act’s set, from what I am told, I drunk idiot decided to crowd surf from the back of the crowd towards the stage. Us not knowing, or having any indication that this guy was making his way towards us just keep singing along. When he came up behind us, with no one to grab him, he fell, and fell hard. On his way down he kicked me in the side of the head. It rung my bell! I know I remained standing, and remember grasping for my husbands arm as to not hit the dirt.  According to what I am told there is an entire hour that I can’t remember. At the time of the incident I didn’t give it much thought. I had a bit of a headache and felt dizzy, but I attributed it to the nauseating smell of bubblegum vape in the air. It wasn’t until the next morning that the gravity of what happened hit me. Literally, it felt like gravity hit me,,,,, I couldn’t stand up without falling over, I couldn’t keep my eyes open, I couldn’t even keep water down. I felt extremely hung over, and at first thought I was just over tired and detoxing that bubblegum vape.  It never really occured to me that I could have a concussion from the blow to the head.

I ended up spending the entire day asleep on the couch, unable to do anything at all. The next day would be the same, and although I refused to admit it at the time, I was nursing a pretty major concussion. I finally called the doctor’s office for an appointment 3 days after I was kicked. I couldn’t drive, and just being a passenger in the truck made me want to cry.  It felt like we where traveling at the speed of light, as the world was spinning off its axes.  The doctor confirmed that I had received a concussion, told me I wasn’t allowed to drive, be on my screens, read, be in bright and noisy situations and to sleep as much as possible, for at least a week. Then I was allowed to slowly introduce these things again. She also said that a lot of people have great success recovering if they take certain supplements.  She wrote out a list of things I should be taking, gave me a couple print outs (which is hilarious because she just told me not to read), confirmed I wasn’t driving myself home and sent me on my way.

I went home, defeated. I couldn’t do ANYTHING! And if I didn’t listen, I wouldn’t be able to handle the trip out east.

I was forced to finally stop! Edit my life to only the actual necessities, and scale back on my ideas of grandeur for my business and life. The universe finally got the point across, and I was being FORCED to listen.


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